The Ballad of a Lonely Masturbator by Anne Sexton

The Ballad of the Lonely Masturbator

 Anne Sexton

The end of the affair is always death.
She's my workshop. Slippery eye,
out of the tribe of myself my breath
finds you gone. I horrify
those who stand by. I am fed.
At night, alone, I marry the bed.

Finger to finger, now she's mine.
She's not too far. She's my encounter.
I beat her like a bell. I recline
in the bower where you used to mount her.
You borrowed me on the flowered spread.
At night, alone, I marry the bed.

Take for instance this night, my love,
that every single couple puts together
with a joint overturning, beneath, above,
the abundant two on sponge and feather,
kneeling and pushing, head to head.
At night alone, I marry the bed.

I break out of my body this way,
an annoying miracle. Could I
put the dream market on display?
I am spread out. I crucify.
My little plum is what you said.
At night, alone, I marry the bed.

Then my black-eyed rival came.
The lady of water, rising on the beach,
a piano at her fingertips, shame
on her lips and a flute's speech.
And I was the knock-kneed broom instead.
At night alone I marry the bed.

She took you the way a woman takes
a bargain dress off the rack
and I broke the way a stone breaks.
I give back your books and fishing tack.
Today's paper says that you are wed.
At night, alone, I marry the bed.

The boys and girls are one tonight.
They unbutton blouses. hey unzip flies.
They take off shoes. They turn off the light.
The glimmering creatures are full of lies.
They are eating each other. They are overfed.
At night, alone, I marry the bed.

First off, a little about the author before starting on a heady subject like masturbation.  Anne Sexton like Sylvia Plath, was a member of the confessional poets.  A group of feminist writers during the middle part of the 20th century.  They broke new ground in feminist writing and put on paper female  experiences that were considered taboo that up to that point hadn't been widely expressed in Western Civilization. 

The end of the affair is always death.

The first line starts off with a context for the reader. A love affair has ended.  She equates the end of it with death, making it a little contradiction.  It should also be noted that a euphemism for orgasm in French is le petite mort

She's my workshop. Slippery eye,

Line two talks about a she, although it's deliberately vague and we can assume she means her vagina.  As she will make references to her and she in the poem while talking about masturbation.  The narrator speaks of it as a workshop. A place where technique and art are practiced. 

out of the tribe of myself my breath

 Here the narrator breaks herself down into multiple parts. The preceding lines referenced her genitals, but here she's alludes to other parts of herself she's composed of.  Perhaps her brain or mind, and heart.  She invokes her breath as if it were part of herself.  This influences the tone of the poem as one of resignation and captures the tone of the whole very well.  The enjambment in the next line goes on to mourn the loss of the lover.

finds you gone. I horrify

The non enjambed portion invokes the fear she engenders through masturbation. The good portion of the population would have seen the topic as taboo, and some still do.  As a confessional poem the narration is being honest about the way many people see female masturbation outside of it's erotic overtones.  The poem is really about a broken love affair, but uses the vehicle of masturbation to explore the idea.  Some of that is uncomfortable, and it's meant to be.

those who stand by. I am fed.

Line five's non-enjambed portion equates masturbation with being fed.  The poem will refer to sexual satiation as food and feeding multiple times throughout.

At night, alone, I marry the bed.

The stanza ends with the refrain At night alone, I marry the bed.   It ties up the stanzas nicely, as further on the line will be troped and modified incessantly by the stanzas preceding.   It closes the rhyme scheme of ABABCC.

Finger to finger, now she's mine.

Line seven begins with obvious implicit references to female masturbation. She's fingering herself.  The entire stanza will perhaps be the most explicit in it's allusions to female masturbation and sexual intercourse.  She ends the line with now she's mine.  She's back in possession of her own genitals.

She's not too far. She's my encounter.

These lines mention the lack of distance from herself and her erogenous zone, and how they frame her experiences in life, particularly in this instance of masturbation and the failed affair she's ruminating on.

I beat her like a bell. I recline

This line depicts how she masturbates, with the euphemism of her, like line two's she standing in for her vagina.  To further the imagery she creates the image of her positioning with I recline. 

in the bower where you used to mount her.

Line ten returns to the topic of her ex.  The line makes it explicit that the poem is addressed to him.  The bower here is a ladies' private chamber in a medieval tower, similar to a boudoir.  The first line of this stanza is somewhat contradicted in that the narrator is thinking of her ex now.  She's speaking of the place and way they used to have sex.  So her encounter right now is not hers alone, at least in her mind.

You borrowed me on the flowered spread.

Line eleven is dense.  The flowered spread has obvious sexual overtones, but it also hints at a possible romantic past where they made love over flower petals.  It could also serve as a reference to the pattern on a comforter or sheets.  It also serves as a reminder to herself that she was only borrowed.  The affair is over now however much it pains her to remind herself. 

At night, alone, I marry the bed.

Line twelve is the refrain.  The line itself is also a near rhyme with the words At night alone, I bury the dead.  The unusual euphemism of masturbation as I marry the bed leaves one to think about why the poem uses this strange construction. I bury the dead is a more sensible sentence and is fitting in a poem that characterizes the end of the affair as a death in the first line.  It is in part a poem about dealing with the pain of a failed affair.  If one takes the near rhyme to have any merit, it paints the picture of the narrator at night laboring with a shovel over a mound where she's interring dead bodies.  The subtle and nuance of laboring over a mound shouldn't be lost on the reader either as another name for the surrounding aspect of the female genitalia is known as the mons venus, or the mound of Venus.

Take for instance this night, my love,

The third stanza begins a new topic, the night and how couples create it together.  Here the narration deepens in it's direction to it's target audience.  The poem does it by means of the words my love, referring to her ex-lover.  

that every single couple puts together

Line fourteen recognizes that people put together the night.  Here there's a double meaning as well.  People create their ideas of time in their own heads.  The essence of the poem here is about a lonely night of masturbation and thinking of her ex.  But elsewhere couples are cooking dinner, watching movies, and of course making love.  How nights are put together depend on the people involved.

 with a joint overturning, beneath, above,

Line fifteen deepens the implication of the sex act in the above line.  Here she see's lovers as joints and hinges coming together at different angles.

the abundant two on sponge and feather,

Line sixteen is stylistic in it's depiction of sex.  Invoking feathers and sponges.  Here feather might be a feather down comforter and sponges may be a foam topper. 

 kneeling and pushing, head to head.

The next line is almost explicit in it's depiction of couples kneeling and pushing into one another.  Head to head gives us an idea of the intimacy and immediacy of the act involved.

At night alone, I marry the bed.

Line eighteen is the refrain.  Here again the narration summons the feeling of despondency and loneliness in contrast to couples enjoying each other.

I break out of my body this way,

 The beginning of nineteen starts the fourth stanza and carries on the topic of masturbation from the refrain.  Here she talks about how masturbation is a release from the sexual tension built up in her body. 

 an annoying miracle. Could I

Line twenty comes back to the narrators own body.  The narration recognizes this as a double edges sword.  On one hand the release of tension is a blessing, but she feels there's something annoying about it.  The second part is an enjambment that raises the question of breaking away not only from masturbation, but from the need to obsess over her ex. 

put the dream market on display?

Putting the dream market on display could be the idea of putting herself back on the relationship market. Here as she masturbates she thinks of how she could start making others dream or think about her in a sexually passionate way. 

I am spread out. I crucify.

The poem introduces a double entendre.  She's both spread out literally as she masturbates and spread out figuaratively in a manner resembling the idiom spread thin.  I crucify is depicts the shape her body is making as she masturbates, and how she's invoking suffering into her life. 

My little plum is what you said.

Line twenty-three recalls the diminutive nickname her lover used to give her.  It's a mild euphemism for the vulva as well. 

Line twenty-four is the refrain.   Here again the refrain as a timbre of despair and resignation.

Then my black eyed rival came. 

The new stanza begins the narrator's rivalry with her ex's new lover.  Here black eyes have evil intent, and is also an obvious a colloquialism for a battered woman.  Here it may be the narrator's wish to give her black eyes.  Her perception of her rival is deeply colored and subjective.

The lady of water, rising on the beach,

Here the narration may be invoking Venus, the goddess of love.  One of Venus' origin stories has her arising from sea foam and  numerous paintings depict her in a seashell on the beach.   This is a charitable attribution for the narrator to make, considering the palpable disdain in the above line.  In the Western Canon water is a traditionally feminine symbol associated with joy.  

a piano at her fingertips, shame

Here again the narration grudgingly lauds her qualities.  The piano at her fingertips provides her rival with laudable qualities.  She can play music.   The following shame is too intense and isolated in it's placement to be attributed to either the narrator or her rival, it perhaps applies to both.  

on her lips and a flute's speech.

Line twenty-eight is almost overflowing in it's implicit sexual connotations between shame,lips, and flute's.  It also follows the musical pattern from the preceding lines.  It should be noted that the piano, lips and flute can all be uses as instruments to make music.  The narration may be making a subtle gesture that her rival is an excellent manipulator.  Indeed, the etiomology of the word manipulation is a conjunction of "hand" and "full", where the rival is mentioned as being skilled with her fingertips. 

And I was the knock-kneed broom instead.

Twenty-nine speaks to how she's lost her status and love in the eyes of her ex.  The narrator speaks of knock-knee which isn't a common disability these days.  She feels as though she's grown uglier in the eyes of her lover here. Broom could be a mytonymy for a witch here.  Line twenty-eight is the refrain.

She took you the way a woman takes

Line thirty-one works begins the next stanza with almost a Cummings poetry in that it's both a complete phrase and a partial thought.  Here the narration acknowledges that her rival took her ex the way a woman shops for a bargain.  There's also a little hint of describing the way a woman pursues her desires in life, with coquettishness and subtlety.  It's a little gauche to mention but the implication is there. 

a bargain dress off the rack
 

This line serves as a little take-that to her ex in that he's equated with a dress on a bargain rack.  It's also a commentary on how easily their relationship was usurped and in particularly how easy he fell for her.

and I broke the way a stone breaks.

Line thirty-one softens in recounting how much the whole situation hurt her.  One imagines a hard stone being cracked in half all the way through.  The narrations bold tone has changed in an instant.

I give back your books and fishing tack.

Here the narration continues in a sorrowful timbre speaking of returning her lovers things.  As with many of the lines in the poem water is associated with the feminine.  The line could be construed as a mind and body duality, with the books referencing the mind and fishing tack the body.  Here the return of objects may be more fantasy oriented than reality.

Today's paper says that you are wed.

Here's a heartbreaking line..  Here again the poem is perhaps mostly artifice, but the conveyance of loss here to her rival is palpable.  

Line thirty six is the refrain. 

The boys and girls are one tonight.

Line thirty-seven has the narration again thinking of other people making love, but has generalized out from her ex and romantic rival into a wider population of boys and girls.  

They unbutton blouses, hey unzip flies.

The next two lines are familiar to anyone who's experienced a bad breakup.  The narrator thinks of the two lovers together in the details building up to love making.  Here again Sexton exercises her expertise in confessional poetry.  She's invoking the build-up and anticipation to lovemaking rather than the actual act itself.  

They take off shoes. They turn off the light.

Line thirty-seven is a continuation of the build up explored in the prior line.  The idea of turning off the light brings a sense of finality to the poem as well.  The rest is left to our imagination.  

The glimmering creatures are full of lies.

Like Sylvia Plath, Sexton's more mature writings tend to characterize love and lovers through more jaded eyes.  Here she juxtaposes glimmering creatures which would appear to be a compliment with the phrase full of lies exposing her profound jealousy of the two. 

They are eating each other. They are overfed.

Again the narration equates sexual satiation with alimentary satiation.  The second part They are overfed seems to be a hollow "take that" from the narrator, who's sexual situation is less than satisfactory.  

The last line is the refrain.